I'm technically proficient

...despite certain attitude issues

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phoning home [RP for Lee]
standing in the elevator
lockhart_md
After three hellish days in detox, Abby is finally feeling well enough, relatively speaking, to settle into a routine of sorts at the inpatient rehab center she's checked herself into. Throughout the detox process, throughout the tremors, nausea, debilitating headaches, and insomnia, all she's thought of (other than having a drink) is Lee and Lily. She's cried more than she'd ever admit, missing her husband and daughter and home almost to the point that she feels it physically. She almost regrets saying she needs to do this alone, but knows she'd never be able to do it if this wasn't her decision and hers alone.

But she still needs them. More than she's ever admitted to herself before. She takes a shower, subconsciously wanting to be fresh and clean for her first allowed phonecall after a successful completion of the detox process. She makes her way from her room to the main floor where she waits, impatiently, for her allotted time slot to begin.

When she finally gets on the phone, she freezes for a moment, her fingers forgetting what to do, what numbers to dial. When she shakes herself and dials the familiar numbers of Lee's phone, she can feel her heart banging around in her chest. What can he think of her now? Maybe he won't even want to talk to her. Maybe he's relieved to be rid of her and the mess she's made of her life. She wouldn't blame him, and she can feel her palms sweating as she listens to the phone ring.

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He looks surprised at the request. He'd taken her at her word when she said she needed to do this alone and never thought she'd want him or Lily there with her. Not after the way she refused him back in August about going to Texas. Is that allowed?

I don't know specifics...But I know other people here have visitors...She bites her lip. You don't have to. I just thought...

No...He shakes his head, not wanting her to change her mind. Baby, I miss you. We both do. Of course I want to see you.

Well, just...She shrugs, needing to give him an out if he wants one. Keep it in mind.

He frowns. Was she just offering without really wanting to see them? You're the one in charge here, Abigail. If you want to see us, we'll come. If you don't...well, Lily and I will be here at home when you're ready to come back.

Her brow furrows at that. I want to see you. I asked.

You also turned around and said I didn't have to come. He points out. This is about you, what you need and what you want. Just be honest with me.

I *am* being honest. She lets out a breath. I want you to come, but not if you don't want to.

Why wouldn't I? He would love to know how she comes to these conclusions sometimes.

I wouldn't blame you. She says quietly, thinking of how angry he'd been at her for drinking, the things she'd said to him, how she hadn't been a good mother for Lily.

He sighs, runs a hand over his hair. I'm not angry at you, Abigail.

Why not? She really does want to know; she doesn't understand. She's still angry at herself.

He doesn't answer right away, taking time to pull Lily away from the Christmas tree first. Can't really get angry at someone for being sick, can you? I realize that alcoholism is a disease, Abigail. I'm not angry at you for that, I never have been. I know I lost my temper a few times ...He bites his lip, thinking about their arguments and what fueled them. I was frustrated. Angry at myself too. And if we're being honest here, it hurt to see you like that. A lot.

She's never viewed her alcoholism as a disease in the way his cancer is. She lets out a wavering breath, his words making her feel more guilty. I'm sorry...

I know you are. He nods, wishing they didn't have to have these conversations over the phone. It's frightening to see someone who is alway so in control just...not.

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